I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
