I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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