you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
