i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i drank out of a bidet.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
