What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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