Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
