So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
