She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you win again, gameday.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
