So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
