remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Randomize
