me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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