i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
