he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I can't turn off my feet"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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