It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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