well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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