i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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