We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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