So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
