I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
