I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
