Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
