your room smells of hookers.
And success
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
