That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
