yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
