there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
be right there i have to get my cape
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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