You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
