I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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