the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
