At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I wanna passion pit in your ass
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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