Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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