PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
