Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
