i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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