what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
