The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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