ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
