I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
