Umm I'm too high to move.
I cockslap morals
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
