I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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