I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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