ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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