is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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