Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
