I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
