i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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