But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
