I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
