my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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