i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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