its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
