my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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