you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
